Through Rose-Tinted Spectacles

“I would rather you hate me for who I am than love me for who I am not”

I find this sort of mantra really irritating and self-righteous. I can’t really put my finger on quite why, but the whole concept of “I don’t care what people think of me” is just ridiculous. It’s a nice idea; it would be great not to care, but we do, we all do, no exceptions. The jobs we’re prepared to do, the people we date, and the risks we take, are all dictated by concern for what other people will think. We base our identity and our sense of worth on others’ judgments of us, rightly or wrongly… It’s human nature, and for a good reason, it gives us limits. We are highly social creatures and we will do anything to avoid socially alienating ourselves.

I’m not saying we should get caught up in every little thing that others have to say about us, particularly if they don’t deserve to have their opinion respected. It’s unhealthy to be so inward and self-critical. But seriously, stop kidding yourself: you are not above basic human instinct.

Un-unpopular opinion

For some reason, the vast majority of people (even on Tumblr it seems) like to think they’re being really ‘alternative’ by saying the “don’t give a fuck about the Royal Wedding”.

Okay, I’m not saying you should be at the gates of Westminster shedding tears of joy and waving a Union Jack but why so blasé? Maybe it’s not the done thing to be casual and give more of a shit about Katie Price or Kerry Katona’s next wedding and maybe I’m getting old and miserable. Or maybe I’m just a purist. I don’t know. But to me, the Royal family is one the last vestiges of ‘Britishness’ we have left.

People who object to the wedding on the grounds of cost are completely ignorant; the Wedding itself costs us little-or-nothing as a tax payer and the contribution you make over the course of your life to the upkeep of the Royal family is negligible. But the tourism that it provides is overwhelming. We’re the last country that recognises a monarch as head-of-state in the world for goodness sake! No you can call that backward or whatever you like but that’s how this country is. So just have some fucking pride.

I hate people moaning their sleeping patterns are ‘fucked’. Try living with insomnia.

I hate people claiming that they feel ‘depressed’. Try actually living with depression.

I hate people whining that they’re stressed. Try living with anxiety disorder.

Isn’t it interesting

how men have fetishes for fat women, older women, feet, bondage, etc. Granted these are often viewed as abnormal, but nonetheless acceptable.

What about being attracted to children? I’m not condoning pedophilia. I was sexually abused, I’m hardly going to agree with it. But isn’t it fundamentally the same in principle (not morals), other than the way it is viewed by society. If indeed these men truly believe they love the children they abuse, how is it any different?

The nature of sexual consent makes pedophilia illegal, and rightly so. But when is anyone ever truly ready? If two 15-year-olds truly love one another, why shouldn’t they have sex, albeit technically illegal. I mean, clearly, some children who are abused are very obviously too young to be able to evaluate the situation. And I’m not ignoring the fact that these children are usually mentally and emotionally scarred for the rest of their lives.

All I’m saying is, maybe we shouldn’t condemn pedophiles the way we do. They are clearly ‘unstable’ psychologically (as no-one can argue these urges are ‘normal’). So surely they deserved to be tried under according Mental Health Laws?

I don’t know. I just think society should take more responsibility and not immediately shun that which they do not understand.

I’m sick of jokes about mental illness, eating disorders, sexual abuse, rape and suicide.

If you lived a day of this torture, you wouldn’t think it a laughing matter.

Do you know what makes me sick?

… excessively feminine girls.

The sort who giggle girlishly at everything, cry pathetically at nothing and (even worse) act unintelligent; all because they think these traits are attractive?!  We have fought so hard to work against the submissive female stereotype - to gain equal rights and no longer be considered as inferior, even second-class citizens. And yet after all these years, women now seem to be actively choosing to play up to this ‘girly’ image. In the twenty-first century a woman may be considered truly self-sufficient, not requiring a partner to be respected and successful. And yet there is this wave of women that seem to think that vulnerability is an asset? I could go on forever, it makes my blood boil.

Seriously, women didn’t burn their bras for this!

Pet hates:

• someone clattering their cutlery against their teeth whilst eating
• people who deliberately intimidate learner drivers on the road
• people who shoot everything in auto and call it ‘photography’
• incorrect grammar - namely “compared to” (compared with) and “different to” (different from)
• excessive mundane and uninteresting Facebook statuses or posting lyrics
• the casual use of the term ‘depressed’/’depressing’
• being the only sober one at a party
• girls who publicly discuss their periods
• the insult “four eyes”
• little girls who dress as though they belong on a street corner

“Some say that we are players.

Some say that we are pawns.”

In spite of his substantial drug taking habits, Robbie Williams apparently made some sense.

It occurs to me that we all manipulate others, for our own benefit very often. Even essentially humanitarian efforts are selfish, if you look at it dispassionately. After all, it’s all for self-gratification in the end, isn’t it? We’re players because we use others to make ourselves feel good. We abuse cooperative social values of inherent politeness, and assume that noone will outright reject the ‘face’ we aim to present. Therefore, we superficially befriend others to show ourselves in a better light, even if merely by distant association. You see the same thing with name-droppers.

Equally, we are all pawns, used and abused by others. Something that seems to sit with us perhaps all our lives, as we try to read the thoughts and emotions of others, and learn to accept rejection, unrequited love etc. Vulnerable. Subconsciously, others see this weakness, and predate on it, using it to climb one rung higher on the ladder of life. Kicking a man while he’s down.

What a wonderful world.

Waste not, want not.

I was just daydreaming whilst looking at the reduced to clear frozen food section in Tesco, and it occurred to me, the sheer enormity of food wastage in this country. I mean, you can eat stuff long after the sell by date (and the use by date too) especially anything that isn’t meat/dairy products, but obviously, by law it can no longer be sold.

So they throw it in the bins. And many people, often homeless can happily live off the food in these bins.. discarded simply because the packaging was damaged. Except technically it’s theft, and they’re legally accountable for it, despite the company no longer being remotely able to profit from the goods. And they couldn’t take it by the time it reaches landfill, because that’s trespassing.

Now I’m no tree-hugging, save-the-world, Jesus Army type but does it really take a rocket scientist to solve the problem? Give the food to soup kitchens, homeless shelters etc. Killing at the very least two birds with one stone - reducing wastage and landfill, and providing for those who don’t know where their next meal is coming from. All at absolutely no financial loss to the company. Especially when we’re talking about meat etc. These animals have been reared for slaughter, all to no benefit to anyone, anyway? You don’t have to be a vegetarian to see that this is ridiculous.

Open your eyes.

No Problem, Mon.

One of the most outstanding things I noticed from my trip to Jamaica was the friendliness of the people. It really hit home to me just how miserable, antisocial and generally dull  British people are! In Jamaica everybody was so lively, and always polite, even if they were working unsociably hours, no doubt on minimum wage, in the baking heat. Everyone was happy. Always. It’s just such a different attitude and way of life. As our Rep told us, in Jamaica, they don’t have problems, just concerns. I’d hate to see a Jamaican psychiatrist.

But they’re just so happy-go-lucky. With tropical storms passing over throughout the week, there was a constant threat of possible hurricanes, and the attitude of the people there was “well, if God wills it…” Things like that make me wish I could believe in God. Hurricanes can completely destroy the homes they have spent every cent desperately building up in their shanty towns, not to mention the threat to their lives. But they just get on with it, making money any way they can. The craft markets were amazing. These people are so skilled, but so humble with it.

I think there’s a lot we can learn from the people we believe to be our inferiors.

Irieeeee.

Youth is wasted on the young?

Why do parents fret over the speed of their baby’s development?

They constantly seem to be checking books, websites and with other parents to ascertain what their child should or shouldn’t be able to do at their given age. Already at just a few months old we are placing expectations and goals on others. Always this up-hill struggle of being better, faster, smarter. Is it not just enough to take things one step at a time? Enjoy being young, maybe!? It seems to me that people are desperate to grow up so fast these days, and forget that they will have over 50 years of adulthood, which will be spent wishing we could just be a child again.

I suppose nowhere is this pressure more rife than in the media.. young girls aspiring to be the thin, attractive and provocative women they see in magazines, breeding a nation with self-esteem and mental health problems. This premature ‘sexualisation’ is no doubt a contributing factor in Britain having the highest teenage pregnancy rates. The fact is, a 12-year old is not ‘sexy’. And should never be so. So why are young girls encouraged to wear make-up and short skirts aged 6? Are we not encouraging the pedophilia we so abhor?

That’s not to mention the stress of a ridiculously competitive education system.

Moral of the story: Don’t waste your youth growing up.

“Turn that frown, upside down”

It bothers me how people inevitably insist on making you ‘happy’ when you feel down. Can we not just be allowed to feel down? I think it’s healthy, actually.

For my part, I can’t help feeling like shit a lot of the time.. just part of how my brain works, the chemical imbalance. depression. And I’ll pull myself out of that when I feel ready, when I’m strong enough. Marylin Monroe once said ”if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”. And she was right. It shows you who your friends are. I mean real friends, not the sort who are good for getting pissed with. The ones who you can ring at 5am and cry about how all the world’s against you. Yeah that’s another thing, paranoia. But anyway, sometimes you try to hard to fix something that isn’t ready to be fixed. The wounds are deeper than that. But I’ve made the mistake of thinking that I couldn’t cope anymore and wanted to end it all. It was four weeks ago that I was admitted to hospital and I’m not letting it happen again. I’ve turned that corner, I think.

So maybe that means I am ready now.

But as I said, that’s my choice to make.

And I’ll make it in my own good time.